10 Minutes of Minecraft

Scene--our house, Saturday morning.  A 10-minute transcript of my 7-year-old's monologue and dialogue with me and his sister.

Bryce:  I need some carpet.  Let me try this villager’s house. 

Me:  You’re stealing carpet from the villagers?

Bryce:  It’s okay.  The villagers don’t really mind.  Also, they can’t fight back.

Bryce:  Villagers are pretty much pointless in pocket.

Bryce:  I’m going to build a house soon so I’m gathering a lot of materials from the village.

Bryce:  I caught the librarian!  I saved him from the cactuses.  I had to put him in a pen so he couldn’t roam far.  I’m going to build my house around it.  I’m going to keep the librarian as a pet and get rid of all the cactuses. 

Bryce to his just-awake sister:  Hayden, guess what?  In my desert house I have a pet librarian.  It’s literally my pet.

Hayden:  That’s good…I guess…

Bryce:  I’m going to ask some villagers if I can have a staircase.  Hey, blacksmith, do you have a staircase?  Great!  I’m going to borrow it.

Me:  So when you say borrow it, you mean steal, right?

Bryce:  Well, yeah.

Bryce:  I’m giving the villager a window with iron bars, for his pen.

Me:  So basically it’s a jail?

Bryce:  Sort of.

Me:  How is the house coming?

Bryce:  Pretty good.  It’s made out of planks, mostly, and 3 blocks of sandstone.

Me:  How’s the librarian?

Bryce:  It’s good.  I gave it some bookshelves.

Bryce:  There.  There’s a roof for you, librarian.

Me:  What’s the roof made of?

Bryce:  Sandstone.  The librarian’s gonna like his new home, probably.  I do have some pumpkins, however.

Bryce:  Hayden, guess what?  The blacksmith’s house burned down again, but it’s okay because I got his ittems.

Hayden, annoyed:  Bryce, it’s I-tems.  I-tems.  Not ittems.  Why do you always say ittems?!

Bryce, completely unfazed:  Oh.  I’m going to take this chest from the blacksmith’s house.  I’m going to make it into a *secret* chest.

Bryce:  Darn it, the secret chest doesn't work.

Bryce:  There's a scrawny little blacksmith just strolling around.  No wait, it's a farmer.

Me:  Are you going to keep *him* as a pet?

Bryce:  Nah.  He has to be closer to my house for me to capture him.

And on it goes...and goes...and goes...and I love it. :)

You're the next contestant on...Minecraft!!!

Bryce, said in an announcer voice: "And it is...rotten flesh!"
Me:  "Wait, what?"
B: "Rotten flesh is what the zombie pigman dropped!"

Feather harvesting

Bryce:  There.  I finally harvested some feathers.
Me:  What do you do with feathers?
Bryce:  You find some gravel and make some arrows.  Even though I don't have a bow.

Uhh...

Bryce: "Look Hayden, I'm on fire!  It's like I'm in hell!"

Not sure if we are doing something right as parents, or something wrong...

A new kind of armor

Bryce:  "You know what I wish you could turn into armor?  Hint—it’s a kind of block."

Me:  "Umm…is it an ore?"

Bryce, slowly:  "Nooo, it’s a block."  Pause.  "Obsidian."
Me:  "Ohhhh."

Bryce:  "Yeah, I wish you could make obsidian armor.  Then you could enchant it and stuff."  Pause, then sounding wistful, "I also wish you could enchant armor in pocket edition."

Minecraft Life Lessons

From Crystal K--

We were watching Hellboy on tv and Hellboy was fighting with a big scary-looking monster. Shyloh was shouting to Hellboy "Hit him in the face! Hit him in the face!" And Evyn, never missing an opportunity to make EVERYTHING about Minecraft, explains "You know, she's right. If this was Minecraft, that monster would be a 'boss' and they are most vulnerable in their faces. That's why when I'm battling the Ender Dragon I always try to hit it in the mouth."  Minecraft Life Lesson #487: When you see a boss, punch him in the face. I have a feeling there may be a lot of unemployment in Evyn's future.